The Call
So I just got the dreaded call. The one informing me of what time I have to be at the hospital by, for pre-surgery, Monday morning. And …
It’s 6 (SIX) am.
Yes, you read right. I have to be at the hospital for 6am for pre-op tests and prep. Which means I have to get up at least 3 hours prior in order to do all the other necessary pre prep before I even get to the damn hospital.
What other prep I hear you ask?
The other prep they make you do at home to save money as in, you’re not in hospital taking up the time of various nurses. And yes, all the materials I need for this extra prep had to be paid for out of pocket and reclaimed through our health insurance plan.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. It all starts Sunday evening. Last thing I have to do before I got to bed is shower. But not just any ordinary shower. No.
I have a special antibacterial sponge to wash with (I had to buy 2 of them in fact). I have to wash my private bits plus, from the neck upwards, with ordinary soap and shampoo. BUT …
My arms legs and torso have to be scrubbed with one of these antibacterial sponge, thoroughly, and then rinsed again, thoroughly (their words not mine) and then? I have to towel dry with TWO clean towels one for above the neck up and other bits, and another for the rest. They gave me strict written instructions on what to do and how to do it.
It’s 8 pages long!
I also have to put clean PJs on to go to bed, and have clean sheets on the bed as well … then … I will have to get up at 3am yes, THREE AM and do a bowel cleanse.
Yes, you read right again. A bowel cleanse with not one douche but two. I have to use the first one, hold for 15 minutes and then, do the business. Then, when I think all that’s finished, I have to do the second, hold for 15 minutes again and, again, vacate. No, not the premises though, by this time, I might be sorely tempted.
Ten minutes after I think all that is, eh, finished. I have to take another full on shower with yet another antibacterial sponge. So my timing better be good as I’ll have to be out the apartment, and in the taxi at 5:15 am at the latest in order to get to the hospital half way across town, in time to register at admissions.
I hope I’ve given my body enough time to get everything done. Or things could get, eh, undecidedly messy.
Wish me luck.